In Which I Discover That My Part-Time Job Is Ruining My PhD

Ok so, if you've been reading my last few posts, you'll know that it's been tricky to balance working part-time and try to move on with my studies. Well, I've been doing some thinking, and I've realised that part-time retail work and the PhD are not compatible. I'm going to have to put some time into looking around for something more suitable, and I'm really going to have to get going on looking for funding elsewhere.

Part-time retail work sounds ideal as a part-time job, doesn't it? I certainly thought that it was a workable option. After more than a year of trying to balance both, it turns out that nothing is further from the truth. Retail is not a nice little money earner on the side. I'm sure you, dear reader, have your own experiences of what the service industry is like to work in. The petty politics, implicit bullying, power struggles, flagrant flouting of employment rights, the crap wage.....yada yada yada. You all know the drill, I'm sure. I'm blue in the face trying to explain that I am not free to cover days off at work because So-and-So needs that day to go somewhere/doss/feels like staying at home.  And "It's just for a few hours" doesn't matter. A four-hour shift might seem like nothing to anyone who isn't studying, but it is the guts of the day to a researcher. And equally, I can't say no to everything. I have to be somewhat flexible and help when I can, most especially at our busiest times. I don't mind this. I'm a conscientious person. But work is getting my best work, so to speak. Dealing with criminally rude/ignorant customers, trying to lift more than my body weight every week and dealing with all the other total nonsense that comes with retail work is starting to seriously affect everything else in my life. And no, I'm not being dramatic.

Yeah yeah, Fall Girl, I hear you say. You're repeating yourself; what's the answer? Well, the answer may lie in actually starting to make the jump between Student Who Desperately Needs A Part-Time Wage to Graduate Student Who Can Actually Cobble Together A Module To Teach At The Local College. The money would be better, the work would be directly related to my studies and there would be more flexibility. I wouldn't have to keep saying no to the really important events that happen at the university on the days I work. I'm going to have a go at applying for the most hard-won award for arts grads, the IRCHSS.  (HA! Goodbye, sanity.) The thing is, I don't feel like a PhD student. I feel like someone who works part time and sometimes gets the chance to research, and that is not a tenable situation at all. It's shit, in fact. As much as it kills me to admit this even to myself, something has to give and dear God, I do not want it to be my PhD.

I need money. I need to bring in a wage every month, end of story. The grant is not enough to live off; believe me, I've tried.  When my grant cheque does come in, it's much needed for bills. Rent, direct debits, winter clothes, all the stuff that builds up that my minimum wage can't take care of. And of course, here comes Christmas. Wonderful, fun, insanely expensive, busiest- time- at- work Christmas. I love it, but as I host Christmas for my family, I'm already getting slightly stressed out about working full time for a few weeks and trying to get Christmas dinner made. It nearly killed me last year - but that dinner was totally worth it, even if I do say so myself. It was fricking delicious. It would also be nice to see some of my friends, but I'm not hopeful. Work is way too crazy during that time, and lack of sleep or having a few drinks is not an option when I'll be in work almost every day. Ten years ago, sure, but not now. Stress does not make me the most sociable of people, either. Best to wait for the New Year.

So, I write this entry under a bit of a cloud. My plan is not working, but I'm glad to be able to recognise it. I will keep you posted of course....and could I ask for a favour? Wish me luck. I'll totally return the favour when you need it.☺